I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
