I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Randomize
