what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
