It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
