I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
