thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
