How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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