Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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