my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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