I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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