our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
