I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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