Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
