I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
