I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
