his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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