yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
