I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
