I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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