yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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