I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
