i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
