i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
