It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
