I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
