i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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