Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
