Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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