I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
