yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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