I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
