Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
