I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
is that a dick in a sweater?
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