If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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