Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
