my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
