went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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