you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
