thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
