guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
