i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
