WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
