In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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