theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ttyl tear gas
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We're too hungover to prance.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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