billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
