I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
