I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
