he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
