Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
