Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
