My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
