Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
