be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
