Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
