If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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